What to Expect from Your First Counselling Session
Making the decision to attend counselling – whether individually, as a couple, or as a family – is a significant step. It’s normal to feel a mixture of hope, anxiety, uncertainty, and perhaps vulnerability as your first session approaches.
Understanding what to expect can ease some of that anxiety and help you get the most from your counselling experience.
Before Your First Session
Choosing the Right Counsellor
Finding a counsellor who’s right for you matters enormously. Consider:
- Qualifications and training: Look for properly qualified professionals with relevant specializations
- Approach and style: Different counsellors use different therapeutic approaches
- Practical matters: Location, availability, fees, online versus in-person
- Your comfort level: You need to feel you can be open with this person
It’s perfectly acceptable to have initial consultations with more than one counsellor to find the right fit.
Preparing for Your Session
Practical preparation:
- Confirm the time, location, and how to access the building (or online meeting link)
- Arrive a few minutes early to settle yourself
- Bring any relevant documents if requested
- Consider how you’ll get there and back, especially if the session might be emotional
Emotional preparation:
- Reflect on what you hope to achieve
- Think about what you’d like to share (though you don’t need a script)
- Remember that feeling nervous is completely normal
- Remind yourself that attending is an act of courage and self-care
What If I’m Attending as a Couple or Family?
For couples: Discuss beforehand that counselling is a joint effort, not a place to “win” arguments. Agree to approach it with open minds.
For families: Prepare children age-appropriately. Explain that counselling is a safe place to talk about feelings and that the counsellor helps families work together better.
What Happens During the First Session
Creating a Safe Space
Your counsellor will focus on making you feel comfortable and safe. This might include:
- A warm welcome and introduction
- Explaining how the session will work
- Discussing confidentiality and its limits
- Ensuring the physical environment feels comfortable
- Encouraging questions at any time
Confidentiality: Your counsellor will explain that what you discuss remains confidential except in specific circumstances (typically risk of harm to yourself or others, or legal requirements).
Getting to Know You
The counsellor will want to understand:
- What brought you to counselling
- What you hope to achieve
- Relevant background information
- Current circumstances and challenges
- Previous counselling experiences, if any
This isn’t an interrogation. The counsellor is gathering information to understand how best to support you.
Sharing Your Story
You’ll be invited to talk about what’s troubling you. Your counsellor might ask questions to:
- Clarify what you’ve shared
- Understand your perspective better
- Explore patterns or connections you might not have noticed
- Learn about your strengths and resources
You’re in control: You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to discuss. Good counsellors respect your pace and boundaries.
For Couple or Family Sessions
Both/all perspectives matter: Everyone will have opportunities to share their viewpoint. The counsellor ensures all voices are heard.
Ground rules: The counsellor may establish guidelines for respectful communication during sessions.
Not about blame: The focus is on understanding each other and moving forward, not determining who’s at fault.
Setting Goals
Together with your counsellor, you’ll begin identifying what you’d like to achieve through counselling. These goals might evolve over time, and that’s perfectly normal.
Goals might include:
- Improving specific relationship dynamics
- Learning new communication skills
- Processing past experiences
- Making important decisions
- Reducing anxiety or managing difficult emotions
- Understanding patterns that aren’t serving you
Establishing the Framework
Your counsellor will discuss practical matters:
- How often you’ll meet (typically weekly, fortnightly, or monthly)
- Session length (usually 50-60 minutes)
- Fees and payment arrangements
- Cancellation policies
- Expected duration of counselling (though this often evolves)
Common Concerns About First Sessions
“What if I cry?”
Crying in counselling is completely normal and acceptable. Your counsellor will have tissues ready and won’t judge emotional expressions. In fact, being able to express emotions safely is often part of the healing process.
“What if I don’t know what to say?”
Your counsellor is skilled at guiding conversation. If you’re stuck, they’ll ask questions to help you explore your thoughts and feelings. Silence is also okay – sometimes taking time to think is important.
“What if my partner/family member says something hurtful?”
In couple or family sessions, the counsellor manages the interaction to keep it safe and productive. They’ll intervene if conversation becomes harmful and help everyone communicate more constructively.
“What if I don’t like the counsellor?”
The therapeutic relationship is crucial to effective counselling. If you don’t feel comfortable after the first session (or even a few sessions), it’s okay to discuss this with the counsellor or to find someone else. A good counsellor will understand.
“What if I feel worse after the session?”
Sometimes addressing difficult topics initially feels uncomfortable. This is normal. However, you should generally feel that the session was worthwhile and that your counsellor understands you. If you consistently feel worse after sessions without any sense of progress, discuss this with your counsellor.
After Your First Session
Reflection
Take time to notice:
- How you feel after the session
- Whether you felt heard and understood
- If you feel hopeful about the process
- Any insights or perspectives gained
Between Sessions
Your counsellor might:
- Suggest reflection exercises or activities
- Encourage you to notice certain patterns
- Recommend resources like books or articles
You’re not expected to complete homework unless you want to, though many people find between-session reflection valuable.
Ongoing Sessions
Counselling is a process. Early sessions often focus on:
- Building trust and rapport
- Understanding the full picture of your situation
- Identifying patterns and dynamics
- Learning new skills or perspectives
Later sessions typically involve:
- Deeper exploration of issues
- Applying new skills and approaches
- Working through specific challenges
- Consolidating changes
How to Get the Most from Counselling
Be Honest
The more open and honest you can be, the more effective counselling will be. Your counsellor isn’t there to judge – they’re there to help.
Be Patient
Change takes time. Don’t expect immediate transformation. Trust the process and give it a fair chance before deciding whether counselling is working.
Engage Actively
Counselling works best as a collaborative process. Ask questions, share your thoughts, and be willing to try new approaches.
Practice Between Sessions
If your counsellor suggests trying something new, experiment with it between sessions. This is where much of the real change happens.
Communicate About the Process
If something isn’t working or you’re not sure where counselling is heading, say so. Your counsellor can adjust their approach based on your feedback.
When Counselling Might Not Be Right
Counselling isn’t always the right fit for everyone or every situation. Consider whether:
- The counsellor’s approach doesn’t match your needs
- You’re not ready to engage with the process
- You feel unsafe or judged (this suggests finding a different counsellor)
- Other interventions (like medical treatment) might be more appropriate initially
It’s okay to acknowledge if counselling isn’t right for you at this time. This doesn’t mean it won’t be valuable in the future.
Taking This Brave Step
Attending your first counselling session demonstrates courage and commitment to your wellbeing and relationships. You’re choosing to address challenges rather than avoiding them, to seek support rather than struggling alone, and to invest in positive change.
Remember: your counsellor is there to support you, not judge you. They’ve heard it all before, and they’re trained to create a safe space for whatever you need to explore.
Whether you’re seeking individual, couple, or family counselling, that first session is the beginning of a journey toward greater understanding, healthier patterns, and improved wellbeing.