How to Support Your Partner Through Difficult Times
When your partner is going through a difficult time – whether dealing with work stress, health concerns, grief, or mental health struggles – knowing how to support them can feel overwhelming. You want to help, but you might worry about saying or doing the wrong thing.
The good news is that meaningful support doesn’t require perfect words or grand gestures. It’s about presence, patience, and adapting to what your partner actually needs.
Understanding Different Types of Support
People need different types of support at different times. Understanding these can help you offer what’s most helpful:
Emotional Support
Simply being there, listening without judgment, and validating their feelings
Practical Support
Helping with tasks, problem-solving, or taking things off their plate
Informational Support
Sharing resources, suggestions, or perspective when asked
Companionship
Being present, doing activities together, or just sharing space
The key is recognizing which type your partner needs in the moment – and this can change day by day.
What Supportive Partners Do
They Ask Rather Than Assume
Everyone processes difficulty differently. Some people want to talk things through, while others need space to process internally first.
Ask open-ended questions:
- “What would be most helpful for you right now?”
- “Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer some distraction?”
- “How can I support you today?”
They Listen Without Trying to Fix
One of the most common mistakes well-meaning partners make is jumping straight to problem-solving. While solutions can be helpful, often your partner first needs to be heard and understood.
Practice reflective listening:
- “That sounds really difficult”
- “I can understand why you’re feeling that way”
- “Tell me more about what’s going on”
Wait for your partner to ask for advice before offering it. Sometimes just verbalizing concerns to a supportive listener helps them find their own answers.
They Respect Boundaries
Supporting someone doesn’t mean pushing them to open up before they’re ready. If your partner needs space, respect that while letting them know you’re available.
Try saying: “I’m here whenever you want to talk, but there’s no pressure. Just know I care and I’m thinking of you.”
They Take Care of Practical Matters
When someone is struggling emotionally, everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. Notice what needs doing and quietly take care of it:
- Making meals or ordering food
- Handling household chores
- Managing childcare arrangements
- Dealing with phone calls or administrative tasks
Don’t wait to be asked – just do what needs doing if you’re able.
They Show Up Consistently
Support isn’t a one-time conversation. It’s checking in regularly, continuing to be present, and demonstrating that you’re in this for the long haul.
This might look like:
- Regular check-ins: “How are you feeling today?”
- Suggesting gentle activities when appropriate
- Remembering important dates or appointments
- Following up on things they’ve shared with you
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Minimizing Their Experience
Avoid phrases like:
- “It could be worse”
- “At least you…”
- “You should just…”
- “Everything happens for a reason”
These dismissive responses, though often well-intentioned, can make people feel unheard and invalidated.
Making It About You
While sharing your own experiences can sometimes help, be cautious about redirecting the conversation to your story. Keep the focus on your partner.
Pressuring Them to “Get Over It”
Healing and recovery don’t follow a timeline. Whether they’re dealing with grief, depression, or stress, pushing them to move on faster sends the message that their feelings are inconvenient.
Trying to Force Positivity
Toxic positivity – insisting on a positive outlook regardless of circumstances – denies people the right to their authentic feelings. It’s okay for your partner to feel sad, angry, or frustrated.
When Professional Support Is Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your partner needs more support than you alone can provide. This isn’t a failure – it’s a recognition that professional help can offer tools and perspective that friends and family can’t.
Consider suggesting counselling if your partner:
- Experiences persistent low mood or hopelessness
- Withdraws from activities they once enjoyed
- Has difficulty functioning in daily life
- Mentions self-harm or thoughts of suicide
- Struggles for an extended period without improvement
Approach this sensitively: “I can see you’re really struggling, and I want to support you. Would you consider talking to a counsellor? I’d be happy to help you find someone or come with you if you’d like.”
Looking After Yourself Too
Supporting a struggling partner can be emotionally draining. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so ensure you’re also:
- Maintaining your own support network
- Setting boundaries where needed
- Taking time for self-care
- Seeking your own support or counselling if necessary
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential for being able to show up for your partner consistently.
The Foundation of Support
At its core, supporting your partner through difficult times is about demonstrating that they’re not alone. Your presence, patience, and willingness to adapt to their needs can make an enormous difference.
Remember: you don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is simply being there, holding space for their experience, and reminding them that you’re in this together.
If you and your partner are navigating difficult times and would benefit from professional support, relationship counselling can provide tools and strategies for supporting each other effectively. Contact Donna Wells to discuss how counselling might help.